|
|
This was Sgt. Wormgear's Yukon! For many years, the fearless fighter for justice and a few other things lived in the small cabin next to the Edge of the Earth Falls, on the banks of the River of Doom and under the frothy head of Beer Can Glacier. Beyond the Glacier, lay the booming boom town of Yellow Snow and the Sgt's favorite hangout..."The Golden Molar Saloon." Above Yellow Snow, the towering peak of Mt. Goody Two-Shoes glowered down on miners and townsfolk alike who did their best to avoid the frightening gaze of the smiley face carved into the icy cliffs above.
To the northeast...along the rugged range of the Tugenpushit Mountains, the Sgt. often patrolled into the Valley of Sin...where you could find the Igloo of Ill Repute. Over the forbiddingly high mountains to the north, some towering over 94 thousand feet, the hardy bastion of law and order often stopped to admire the North Pole -- and just southeast of that...Thunder Lake...a mysteriously blue and dangerous lake in the middle of Old Man in a Trenchcoat Glacier. Just beyond the lake, it was an easy mush to North Pole South...a newer development with a community room and hot tub. And, just south of that the rustic community of Elk Plop.
Looking west on a clear day from Elk Plop, you could see the tent city full of miners known as Numb Thumb. Climbing up Knucklehead Ridge and hiking past the town of Miner's Middle, you could be treated to the twin peaks of Dead Man's Toes...a fine place to pitch camp and sip a chilled canteen from the head waters...or, in this case, the "foot waters" of the River of Doom.
Hiking southeast from Dead Man's Toes, it was just a days mush past the old Frozen Gonad Trail -- the shortest route to the twisted laboratory of the Evil Dr. Magneto -- past the ominous rumblings of Mt. Proboscis...the huge nose-shaped mountain with the flaming nostrils of death which, more than once, had sneezed out searingly hot lava boogers. (The cabin on top was the well-appointed Rococo lodge of the Yukon Mafia)
Just a days trek south from Mt. Proboscis lay the most recognizable feature in the Yukon -- Mr. Potato Head Mountain! The mountain, famous for the Old Bessie Mine Shaft #2 (where a golden boulder the size of Jennifer Lopez's tush was once dug up) was also the home of the "Earie Canal," "Liplock Ridge" and an odd natural formation known as "Horned Rim Hills."
Just south -- and still in the shadow of the Mr. Potato Head Top Hat, the weary traveler might catch a glimpse of Rodan's Pagoda -- before turning toward civilization -- and the friendly confines of the Lumberjack Mall. The Sgt., Queenie and her Man Servant Ho Boy -- (who she was destined to meet in a future episode*) often stayed the night in the mall, just across the street from General Hospital and within view of the Sgt's dermatologist's office, downtown Skagway and Skagway's train station -- "Ah Choochoo Station." Walking into the fields beyond Skagway, the Sgt. often paused to honor the fallen unknowns in the "Cemetery of Lost Tourists" before checking out the unusual sights from "Screaming Old Man in a Bear Trap Scenic Overlook." Then, she usually turned northwest toward Mountie Headquarters and her weekly meetings with her commanding office, St. Percy Sledge RCMP. After that, it was just a short train ride, on the Yellow Snow Express, across the Bridge of Woe back to her lovely, rustic cabin outside Yellow Snow.
*This is known as "mixing your tenses"